A. Deal breakers.
- The (online) Urban Dictionary has seven rather nice defining rules for deal breaker
- Along those lines, I often refer to certain actors as deal breakers: Adam Sandler, John Corbett, Jimmy Fallon, Will Farrell, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin James, Zach Galifianakis, Ken Jeong, Zachary Levi, Melissa McCarthy, David Spade, Stephen Baldwin, William Baldwin, Neil Patrick Harris, Will Smith, Jaden Smith, Jeff Goldblum.
- I often rate movies 1 to 10, where 1 is 'will never see it' to 10 being 'see it in the theater and buy a permanent copy'.
- For any given movie, based on reviews, cast and crew, and word of mouth, I form a preliminary rating. The presence of a deal breaker in a film means my preliminary rating will likely be less than 3 of 10, and I will not see it.
- Here 'deal breaker' is not a binary, as in yes or no. Rather, I rate actors as deal breakers on a 1 to 10 scale, where 1 (one) means I usually like them, and 10 (ten) means I usually despise their presence on screen. So a rating 8, 9, or 10 is enough for me to term an actor a deal breaker.
- Some ratings as deal breakers:
- Ten (or more) of Ten: Melissa McCarthy, Jaden Smith, Will Farrell, Jimmy Fallon
- Nine of Ten: Neal Patrick Harris, Stephen Baldwin, Adam Sandler, John Corbett, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin James, Ken Jeong, Zach Galifianakis, Jason Segel.
- Eight of Ten: Jeff Goldblum, Will Smith, Zachary Levi, David Spade.
- Melissa McCarthy. She's supposed to be a comedian. She has never made me laugh, though she has made me cringe. I no longer watch anything that she is in except under duress.
- Jaden Smith. He gave an unbelievably bad performance in the 2008 version of the film The Day the Earth Stood Still. I liked Keanu Reaves, Kathy Bates, and Jennifer Connelly in this film, but Jaden Smith was a huge anchor tied to the neck of the film. It sank because of him. His performance in After Earth, if the critics and the clips are to be believed, was even worse.
- Will Farrell. Yikes. Every movie I have seen him in sucked. The best, perhaps, was Melinda and Melinda, by Woody Allen. Here we have an excellent director, a good script, and several fine actors whom I have enjoyed in many other good movies. That excludes Farrell, of course, whose performance was revolting. Farrell's work on Saturday Night Live was a turning point for me. SNL had been one of my favorites for years. Farrell's performances made watching SNL drudgery; I was often wondering, when will this jerk get off the screen? In the last few years, I've tried watching some of Farrell's films when I did not have to pay for them. For instance, I tried Land of the Lost. This was an incredible re-affirmation. Farrell was just terrible. Clips of other films, such as Bewitched, Anchorman, Elf, and Talledaga Nights come to mind. Funny, entertaining, worth seeing? No. Boring, stupid, repulsive? Yes. I watched Bewitched in the theatre, since I hoped that the skill and talent of Nicole Kidman, Michael Caine, and Shirley McLaine could overcome Farrell's strength as a deal breaker. Sigh. The movie bombed, in no small part because of Farrell's smothering presence.
- Jimmy Fallon. Fallon marked another transition for me. Whereas Farrell made me think of SNL as tired, old, out of ideas, boring, and un-funny, Fallon took me to the better state of "I'm never watching SNL again." Thanks Jimmy. I've never watched your Late Show, and when you replace Jay Leno in the Tonight Show, I'll stop watching NBC. Why? The Tonight Show with Jay Leno is the only NBC show that I watch, that's why.
- Neal Patrick Harris. Has he ever done anything good?
- Stephen Baldwin. Shark in Venice, Earthstorm, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas, Bio-Dome, Lost Treasure. The movies he's in are more of a chore than entertainment. One looks forward to commercial breaks. Plus he has that facial expression problem (the one that says, yes, I'm an even bigger jerk than you think I am) in common with Jaden Smith.
- Adam Sandler. Where to begin? Once on the Tonight Show, I heard him brag, "I'm your worst nightmare!" He was correct. Poor actors who present hideous persona but gain great monetary success...that is one of my worst nightmares. As I contemplate his filmography, I'm trying to find something I like to offset the rest. Ah, not doing well on that. His frequent presence in films depicting men as bad role models is the single biggest reason he's a deal breaker for me. (Big Daddy, Grownups, Grownups 2, Jack and Jill, Just Go with It, for starters) Because of him, American men receive an extra ocean of hatred and contempt.
- John Corbett. Ruined Northern Exposure for me. Sex and the City went from mildly enjoyable and laugh out loud funny to dreary and never funny after Corbett joined the cast. I am so glad that NCIS: Red was not picked up. From IMDB, one sees that Corbett has had a busy career...that has had little intersection with my viewing. I've made several earnest attempts to watch My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but Corbett keeps clouding up the screen.
- Ashton Kutcher. That Seventies Show. Bad times. I liked all the actors except Kutcher and Topher Grace. I tried the film No Strings Attached despite the presence of Kutcher because Natalie Portman starred opposite. Her presence was not enough. In contrast, I watched Friends with Benefits, with Timberlake and Kunis, three times so far. I'll probably watch it again in two years. One of my favourite TV series was (not is) Two and a Half Men. When Charlie Sheen left, I was sad. When Kutcher joined, I was heartbroken.
- Kevin James. The King of Queens. Bad times again. I've tuned into this series by mistake a few times, and had a few laughs. Then James would come onscreen. The channel would be changed in seconds. His movements onstage, his voice, negotiable morality, his...whatever; as an actor he's repulsive. Hitch was the only time I've seen a film of his in the theater. That was quite a film. It not only confirmed Kevin James as a deal breaker, it added Will Smith to the list. How impressive is that?
- Ken Jeong. The Hangover, The Hangover Part II, interviews on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Nothing good here. While I have not seen the Hangovers, every clip, interview, and review confirms them as hideously bad films.
- Zach Galifianakis. The Hangover, The Hangover Part II were both beyond bad, and Zach was a heavy contributor to the badness. His performance in Tru Calling was more mixed, so I gave him a 9 instead of a 10.
- Jason Segel. How I Met Your Mother is a series I wanted to like. I tried a number of episodes. There are two things that ultimately doomed the effort: Neil Patrick Harris and Jason Segel. After seeing too many episodes of HIMYM, I started being careful about movies involving Segel. Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the hideous Bad Teacher, Jeff, Who Lives at Home, and The Muppets are examples of movies that I might have liked if not for Segel.
- Jeff Goldblum. From the what-the-hell-was-that film The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai across the Eighth Dimension to the absurdly horrible Earth Girls Are Easy, Mr Goldblum has made a number of unsuccessful cult films. He's been in an even greater number of forgotten bad films. The Right Stuff and The Big Chill were good films that I watched end-to-end, but, for the life of me, I can not remember what JG did in them. His biggest successes, Jurassic Park, The Lost World: Jurassic Park, and Independence Day featured acting performances that still make me cringe. Over the years, I developed a soft spot for him, mainly because he kept trying, despite his lack of acting talent and excessive smart-mouth cleverness. I was rooting for him in Law and Order: Criminal Intent, but there was still too much oh-I'm-clever attitude, and not enough interaction with other actors. I breathed a sigh of relief when they brought back a real actor, Vincent D'Onofrio, to bring the series to a reasonable end.
- Will Smith. Hitch, Independence Day, I Robot, I Am Legend, Wild Wild West, and the absolutely terrible After Earth feature Smith's ability to deliver a bad acting job. Enemy of the State was a mixed bag. I liked the film, but Smith was not credible. How could Mr Entitled ever have a bad day? The enduring snotty attitude from Fresh Prince of Bel Air still shines through. On the plus side, the Men in Black series was enjoyable. I'm not saying I liked Smith's acting; I did not. I'm saying the other elements (Tommy Lee Jones, Stephen Spielberg, reasonable script, good co-stars) overcame Smith's deal breaker effect. Smith's presence was strongest in the third Men in Black installment, and the movie nearly drowned in it. While consistently a deal breaker, Smith does not have the vile strength of Will Farrell or even Kevin James. (That's right, Hitch REALLY sucked! Both Smith and James.)
- Zachary Levi. I wanted to like the series Chuck. After several episodes, I realized that the problem was the actor playing the protagonist. Recently, I saw Levi on Jay Leno's show, and decided to look him up on IMDB. The man has been busy since 2001, but the only thing I recognized was Chuck and Tangled, in which he did voice work. That leaves a lot of failures and who-cares efforts.
- David Spade. Where do I begin? Spade has been in television and films since 1987, so the list of bad projects he has helped ruin is long. Grownups, Grownups 2, Joe Dirt, Dickie Roberts, Grandma's Boy, Jack and Jill, Beavis and Butt-head come to mind. I more or less enjoyed him is Terms of Engagement, where he played a parody of the roles he's done badly in his career.
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